Jokes

Husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a crate of Tooheys and sticks them into the trolley



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, only $30 for 24 cans", he says



"Put them back.  We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...



A few aisles later the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream.  It makes me look beautiful," she says.



The man replies...  "SO DOES 24 CANS OF TOOHEYS AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE"
 

Kareem

Well-Known Member
melsy said:
Husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a crate of Tooheys and sticks them into the trolley



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on offer, only $30 for 24 cans", he says



"Put them back.  We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...



A few aisles later the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.



"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream.  It makes me look beautiful," she says.



The man replies...  "SO DOES 24 CANS OF TOOHEYS AND IT'S HALF THE F***ING PRICE"
lol
stupid but funny
 
A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'

'What does that mean?' asked the child.

'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block?

I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said

'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'


The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.
 

graaant

New Member
A blonde gets a job as a teacher. On her first day she goes out onto the school field and spots a boy standing on his own watching all of the other children running around and having fun..
Taking pity she wanders over to talk to him. "You OK?" she asks, "Yeah, I'm fine" he replies.

"You can play with the other kids you know!" she added, "It's best I stay here" he replies.
"Oh...why's that?" she asks.
"Because I'm the f**kin goalie!"
 

RECKY

I'm an idiot savant without the pesky savant bit
graaant said:
A blonde gets a job as a teacher. On her first day she goes out onto the school field and spots a boy standing on his own watching all of the other children running around and having fun..
Taking pity she wanders over to talk to him. "You OK?" she asks, "Yeah, I'm fine" he replies.

"You can play with the other kids you know!" she added, "It's best I stay here" he replies.
"Oh...why's that?" she asks.
"Because I'm the f**kin goalie!"
AARRRR---HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....F'N PEARLER

:vhappy: :goodpost: :vhappy: :goodpost: :vhappy:
 

Kareem

Well-Known Member
Why dont they play football in space?
Because there's no atmosphere!

Why arent cars good football players?
Because they only have one boot!

Aboslute shockers lol
 

Andy

Active Member
SOL CAMPBELL wants to go back to Spurs. Apparently, he heard that their forwards were Bent and Keane.

LIVERPOOL striker Fernando Torres says he wants to stay at the club for the rest of his career - as long as they start winning trophies. Hes set to leave in the summer.

TOTTENHAM keeper Paul Robinson could be used as bait to land Middlesbrough winger Stewart Downing. Great news for Boro given Robinsons catching record.

DERBY COUNTY have refused an offer from Richard Branson to sponsor the club. They feel it inappropriate having 'Virgin' on their shirts when they're getting f***ed every week
 

Kareem

Well-Known Member
valentius borealis said:
Kareem said:
Why dont they play football in space?
Because there's no atmosphere!

Why arent cars good football players?
Because they only have one boot!

Aboslute shockers lol
Do you know the coffin joke?
no



lol at the Derby joke!
 

bathurstmariner

New Member
A Mariners fan, a Victory fan, and a Jets fan are sentenced to death by firing squad in an overseas country

The Mariners fan is first to be executed

The firing squad take aim, and quickly the Mariners fan yells "avalanche!"

In the confusion he escapes.

The Victory fan being next, thinks to himself maybe I should use the same tactic.

Again the firing squad takes aim, and the Victory fan yells "flood!".

In the confusion he escapes also.

Before he lines up the Jets fan notices the tactic used by the other two and decides to do the same.

Once more the firing squad take aim.

And the Jets fan yells "FIRE!"
 

hasbeen

Active Member
I was watching the Champions League this morning, got up off the couch to get a cup of coffee. Accidentally bumped into the TV, and Drogba fell over in the box. 
 

RADINHO

New Member
hasbeen said:
I was watching the Champions League this morning, got up off the couch to get a cup of coffee. Accidentally bumped into the TV, and Drogba fell over in the box. 
wat were u thinking u could of given away a penalty
 

graaant

New Member
hasbeen said:
I was watching the Champions League this morning, got up off the couch to get a cup of coffee. Accidentally bumped into the TV, and Drogba fell over in the box. 
Same thing happened when I blew at my TV!
You must've been fairly out of it to bump your TV THAT many times! ;)
 

hasbeen

Active Member
Reminds me of when Harry Kewell first arrived in Leeds as a fresh faced youth .. got off the train at City Square and asked the first guy he saw in a LUFC shirt how to get to Elland Road ....
"Practice lad, practice ..." was the reply
 
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